I am not okay with what happened to you, to me, to us. My first memory now the only thing I know and see everywhere, in everyone. From the very beginning, did we even have a chance to live a life that was okay?
15 years later and it’s still what I see in the mirror, hear in my mind, feel in my soul. Everyday. I wonder if you still thought about it too, up until your final breath.
Because 2 months prior is when you reached out for the call I couldn’t answer. I just couldn’t be there. Instead, I was becoming a woman neither one of us could recognize … survivor’s guilt now my heart and my broken heart became my smile.
Explaining who I was to anyone who would listen, meanwhile living a life of not knowing who I actually am. Their definitions of strong and pretty and smart never looked good on me, but I needed to be loved too.
Lie. Cheat. Abuse. Betray. Hurt people hurt people in ways of their own, and this became my happily ever after just the same. Who do I trust when it’s in me too?
I became a woman neither one of us could recognize…
Please, oh, please- come back and let’s go on an adventure! One of a kind, to our beginning. And stay.