If I said anything, I would lose
If only people knew the things I’ve done…
Good girl with bad habits.
Tries to box me in,
Has rules I must abide
By and never question—
And every time I’ve tried to stay
It runs RUINS me.
I live my life at a higher frequency than what is considered “healthy” for me. Whatever or whoever is right in front of me, I lose myself too. If my pieces don’t fit with theirs, I will gladly bend, happily break, and graciously destroy myself…just so I can squeeze on in.
And still, nothing ever stuck…
Whether it be organizations and companies I wanted to join more than anything, friends that I planned to grow old with, a woman I fell in love with at first sight, career paths that I swore were my true passion—all have one thing in common:
They have collected dust in both my memory and journals.
I was, and sometimes still am, so terrified that the world will find out about my past and what I’ve done and what’s happened to me, and then slowly…but surely…
I will lose everything
I will lose everyone
So, I have only ever wanted to be part of something bigger than myself so I could lose the traces of me that I so desperately wanted to get rid of. And in all different places, I would continue to destroy who I was just so I could squeeze on by… Except one.
There is only one place I have not tried, the place love resides…
The things I’ve done
The insecurities I have built my identity around
The stories I have left untold
Belong to ME
And if I said anything, I would lose everything that would not help me become who I need to be.
Because I choose Kiara.
I’m on Kiara’s side.
Love is not an obligation
Love is our birthright
Love does not demand
We were born to be