Hola my beautiful readers! Long time *cough cough* 3 months *cough cough*, no talk. A lot has happened in my life since we last met, so I’ll give you the run down on the “run through” that is the key points of these last 90 or so days.
There’s a lot of moves I’ve gotta make this coming year. From my a hunnid and four extracurriculars (gotta drop some :/) to solo traveling this summer to prepping for the GRE, etc. etc. etc! Who is free time in 2015? Who is free time EVER AGAIN?
Speaking of time wisely, let’s talk about the ladies. You know how the love department goes with me! I really am an emotional slut (#notshaming). But I’m really trying to refocus on ME (how many times have I tried to do this and failed? lol I can’t help that I’m a lady magnet). I’m just going to enjoy my love affair with the world. For real this time. And besides, who has free time anyways? *tuuuuuh*.
“Afrocentric Features on Fleek” has become a thing (especially on my Snapchat, which you should totally follow if you wanna fvck with a real nigga: maravillakiara): Oh, and I also don’t work at my old job anymore. YUP. I KNOW. But no hard feelings, it just really wasn’t the right fit for me. And it took me awhile to actually agree with that. It was my first job that I let define who I was because I thought it was in the field that my heart was in. But it wasn’t. And that’s okay, because…
*speaking casually* Pero like, I also had an epiphany on what my passion is or whatevuh.
Taking Personal Storytelling (yeah, it’s a real class // SPC 4930) this past semester really changed my life forever. From writing my own stories and reading others to sharing my life and listening to others, I couldn’t have asked for a better class! I already fell in love with the Communication Department at my university, but this class really sealed the deal that this is what I’m supposed to be doing for the rest of my life.
The woman that sparked this flame in my heart, or at least made me realize it was there all along. Shoutout to my wonderfully Distinguished University Professor, Dr. Ellis! I found my Ilene in you.
But in all seriousness, I’ve never been this happy in my entire life!
Ever since that single moment in time, my life just slowly started to fall into place. The dots finally started to connect! (It felt like my coming out story, part dos.) The world makes a lot more sense now that I know what I am to it.
NOTWITHSTANDING, I’ve also got to admit that I think my life also got that much scarier now that I know not only who I am but how I am.
I am a writer.
And what a terrifying thing to be! Of all things that I thought I should have been and tried to pursue, nothing fit. I’ve always been academically gifted, excelling in classes and told that I would be great in two particular fields: law or medicine. And I wanted that for me so badly. But it just didn’t feel right.
Now, I’m not shaming the arts! AT ALL! If anything, I’m praising them. Because I never thought that I could do it (low-key still don’t). I’m an analytical thinker. And with most career fields, you can actually follow a concise plan and get to where you want to go.
Unlike the arts. Everything is hard work, blood, sweat, tears, and people talking shvt about how easy or unnecessary your field is (“THAT’S WHY WE’RE FALLING BEHIND CHINA”). And still, after all that, it probably won’t pay off…but you keep going for it anyways because your talent is the very essence that is you. This is who you are. This is how you are.
I know I can’t do anything else now because I would be lying. And now, I’m terrified of what my creativity capacity is. What if I use it all up before I even peak and then I’m useless to the world because THERE’S NOTHING ELSE LEFT FOR ME TO DO THAT CONTRIBUTES TO MY HIGHEST FORM OF TALENT AND EXPRESSION?
So yeah, constant mental breakdowns aside, that’s basically where I stand right now. But I’ve decided to begin the process of using this fear as foundation of my empire!
ANOTHER EPIPHANY! YAYAYYAYAY!
I’m taking my first steps in creating my own piece of heaven and sharing it with the rest of the world. And it’s going to start with this blog! I’m excited to share this next chapter in my life with you all. In my next post, I’ll give a breakdown of this “vision” of mine. And from that point on, expect nothing short of brilliance!
Edit on 01/04/2015: My next blog post will no longer be on this “vision” of mine because 1) it’s still in the works & will probably be for a couple of years [Building my empire] and 2) I want to just start producing what I love (storytelling) instead. hasch tug tun don fuh wut?